TIPS FOR MORE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

TIPS FOR MORE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

"Triad of a good relationship"
Effective communication = (creates) Trust = (creates) Intimacy

Remember the
"4 Rs" of effective communication:

1)
REFRAIN from one-way conversations:
Make it a two-way conversation:
Listen - Pause – Talk – Pause - Listen.
The pause is to ensure that the other person is done talking - if they go on for a while without letting you talk ask for a "time out" and say "I am very interested in hearing what you have to say to me and also hope that you would be willing to hear what I have to say would you be kind enough to suggest what you feel is a reasonable period of time to talk while I listen and vice versa".

2)
REFLECT:
Find out if you understand what was said by reflecting it back e.g. "I would like to make sure that I clearly understood what you said to me and if you don't mind I would like to reflect what I thought I heard and you could let me know if that was what you said". We are always telling ourselves stories in our head so let us get to hear and understand each other's stories without fear or judgment.

3)
RESPECT:
Be respectful and never hit below the belt no matter how angry you are. Request a "time out" if you are having difficulty controlling your emotions.

4)
RESISTANCE FREE:
Talk about feelings not actions e.g. rather than say "when you do that you make me angry" instead say " when that happens I find myself feeling angry and I do not like the feeling and wish to stop it and I wonder if you could help me with that". Remember when you generate resistance the people that you are talking to feel the need to defend themselves and so are not receptive to anything you say but are preparing their defence.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

- Stephen Covey